My Skin
by Books Love Anyone
Summary: Max realizes the truth about Logan and Asha and goes to Alec for comfort. Post Freak Nation.


Author: Books Love Anyone

Title: My Skin

Rating/ Genre T/M (depends on your sensitivity!) Romance, Angst

Pairing: M/A slight M/L

Disclaimer: The characters are not mine, the song is by Natalie Merchant

Summary: Max realizes the truth about Logan and Asha and goes to Alec for comfort.

A/N: This was my first fanfic back in 2004. I no longer have access to the account so this may show as a duplicate.

_Take a look at my body  
Look at my hands  
There's so much here that I don't understand  
Your face-saving promises  
Whispered like prayers  
I don't need them  
'Cause I've been treated so wrong,  
I've been treated so long  
As if I'm becoming untouchable_

She wasn't supposed to leave Terminal City, she knew that, but the short time spent on the roof, her gloved hand clasped tightly in his, her kind, her family standing proud beside and behind her, had restored her conviction in everything she wanted to fight for…freedom, family, a sense of normalcy and a life with the man she loved.

It had taken them a year to even admit there was any kind of attraction between them, then she had clung to the idea of them as a couple, first to survive those months of reindoctration , then as motivation to find a cure for the virus.

It had only been recently she had started to wonder what they would really be like as a couple, all fantasies and fairytales aside, she had wondered why she felt this way about him, if she was just telling herself she felt this way out of habit.

_Well, contempt loves the silence, it thrives in the dark  
With fine winding tendrils that strangle the heart  
They say that promises sweeten the blow  
But I don't need them, no I don't need them  
I've been treated so wrong,  
I've been treated so long  
As if I'm becoming untouchable  
I'm a slow-dying flower  
In the frost-killing hour  
Sweet turning sour and untouchable_

Then Jam Pony was under siege and Logan and her 'we're not like that' relationship seemed unimportant.

But they made it. There were losses, compared to how bad the siege could have got she considered it a victory, the sense of elation she could barely keep inside , standing on that rooftop, finally proud of what she was, _who_ she was had tied in with Logan's hand reaching once more for hers.

He had left soon after, through one of the many secret exits, without them really discussing anything, that had been two weeks ago and she hadn't heard from him since, they were just too busy.

She reached Foggle Towers, smiling up at the soft glow coming from his apartment, walking through the lobby and to the elevator, rehearsing in her mind how she was going to tell Logan that she had lied to him, that she and Alec were never anything more than friends, She mentally glossed over the fact that she had lied to avoid admitting she didn't feel the same way about him as before, not to protect him from the virus.

Reaching his door she turned the handle, taking in candlelight, the smell of wine and something delicious cooking.

She froze as she heard soft murmuring coming from the couch still out of view, the sounds of soft kisses and whispered endearments, her heart beat picked up and tears pricked her eyes, an odd deflated feeling in chest as she turned the corner knowing what she would find.

Asha and Logan on the couch, gazing at each other. The same look she and Logan used to share.

_I need the darkness, the sweetness, the sadness, the weakness  
Oh I need this_

She turned silently and headed out quickly before the sob held in her throat burst free.

Logan had apparently come to the same conclusions as she had regarding the state of their relationship, it had faded away, to be fair, she reasoned, she had broken up with him by saying she was with another man, a man who had tried to kill them both, and she doubted anything had happened with Asha until then, Logan's undying morals would have made sure of that.

Cindy had stayed in Terminal City to help Gem and the baby, but she didn't want the truth right then, which Cindy would no doubt give her, she wanted to be held, to curl up in strong arms without fantasizing they belonged to Logan.

_I need a lullaby, a kiss goodnight, angel, sweet love of my life  
Oh I need this  
I'm a slow-dying flower  
Frost-killing hour  
The sweet turning sour and untouchable_

She had, in her shocked state come to Alec's door, she paused to take a calming breath before turning the handle and slipping into his death trap of an apartment.

She passed the couch on her way to his bedroom, eyes unseeing, almost at the door before a strong hand reached out to grasp her wrist.

"Max?" he asked sleep still evident in his voice.

She nodded meeting his eyes

"Where did you go?" He saw the unhappy look in her eyes and whispered the question rather than demand anything of her right now.

"I went to Logan…..He was with Asha….I think they've been together a while ….."

Her voice had seemed to grow quieter with each sentence she uttered and her eyes told the rest of the story. Max and Logan were over. The great Romeo and Juliet story of the Freak era had ended.

"Do you want me to get Cindy?"

"No. I wanted to see you." She paused "Alec you said if there was anything I ever needed I could come to you…Right?"

"Of course…"

"I want to stay here tonight…..with you" She was looking and some distant spot on the wall her eyes occasionally flicking past his face but never really settling.

She could see his uncertainty, Alec wasn't really sure what she meant by 'with him' and he didn't want to jump to conclusions.

She took a deep breath "I just want to be with someone I trust and …I just want to be touched again, I'm starting to feel cold, I jump when anyone brushes my skin now, in case Manticore messed up and maybe the virus could evolve to affect everyone…I hate feeling this …distant, not just from humans either, you have no idea how lonely it is knowing you can't touch someone"

Her eyes were shining now but she refused to let the tears fall, years of training held them back out of habit, and still Alec watched her, he should turn her away, talk her out of this but he knows that isn't what she really needs, her emotions were too raw for her to be rejected right now. He moved to cup her face stroking lightly down the side of her face and slipping his hand to the back of her neck coaxing her closer to him,

"I got you Maxie, you're not cold"

He slowly bent his head to kiss her, touching her lips lightly at first then darting his tongue out to deepen the kiss, his tongue seeking hers, almost surprised when she responded wrapping one arm round his back and pressing herself to him, the other hand tracing over his barcode ruffling the hair starting to cover it.

She could feel her heartbeat pick up again as he slid his hands over her shoulders and down her arms dropping her jacket to the floor, slowly, giving her plenty time to back down, still kissing her intently. Max ran her hands down his back, nails digging in just enough for him to feel them, slipping her hands under the dark grey t-shirt he wore, she pulled away from his kiss long enough to pull the shirt over his head.

He moved them backward towards his bedroom capturing her lips again as the back of her knees hit the bed.

Still moving slowly he caught the hem of her tank top pulling it over her head and kissing her again without missing a beat.

The rest of their clothing shed at the same pace he kissed down the side of her neck holding one hand above her head, fingers laced together, moving slowly inside of her, refusing move faster despite her rocking hips against his, savoring the feel of her as he began to lose control.

"I love you Maxie"

_Can you see me  
Do you want me  
Can you reach me  
Oh, I'm leaving  
Better shut your mouth, and hold your breath  
You kiss me now, you catch your death  
Oh, I need this  
Oh, I need this_


End file.
